I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
