Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
