Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
