Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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