Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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