just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
