i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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