Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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