Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
