Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
