Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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