EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
