I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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