I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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