At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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