We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
