Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
