Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
