that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
