just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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