She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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