i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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