So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
