I'm going to rape someone's good day.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
