This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
