If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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