morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
