I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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