I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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