he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
