i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
