sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
