I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
