Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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