I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
