She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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