2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
