well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're a disaster
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