He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
