if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
