i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
