Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
