If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
