Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
