Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
