I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
