he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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