Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
