Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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