Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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