I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
